Alina was about fourteen when she watched a lot on TV and the Internet and told her father and me that she was going to be a goth. Mostly it manifested itself in black clothes, white foundation, and extravagant makeup, but my husband and I didn’t think it was anything special. Many children go through such a strange and unusual phase of their playing in one place “childhood,” and forbidding them to look for themselves is silly. It certainly seemed ridiculous to neighbors and acquaintances.
“Why don’t you tell her to dress normally? Have you even seen what she looks like? And I’ll tell you who – the devil!” – the neighbor was indignant.
And the teachers were totally freaked out. Fingers and feet not enough to count, how many times I was called to the principal because of the appearance of Alina. I patiently listened to the lectures, said that I would help, but in fact I supported my daughter. I didn’t judge her tastes when she started dating a similarly informal guy, and I partied at their wedding when they were in their twenties.
Other parents might not understand me, as they don’t understand other people’s children or even their own, but we all grow up over time and our tastes and priorities change. I just thought that it was better for my daughter to be what she wanted when she was young, than to have a goth in her head at some fifty.
In fact, I was absolutely right. Alina very much changed after graduation. So had my son-in-law. They got older, more serious, both got jobs, and dramatically changed their interests and clothes. When Alina became a mother, she only wore her old black clothes around the house, as something that was not worth the trouble, and she dressed very elegantly for social occasions.
You should have seen how the jaw of the annoying neighbor fell off when she ran into Alina and her husband in the stairwell before the New Year’s Eve celebration. And how my friends reacted when they saw my beautiful daughter become a young mother, oblivious to the hobbies of her youth.
I was proud of her at fourteen, I am proud of her at thirty. She is, after all, my child, and I am less interested in what she looks like. It’s much more important what kind of person she grows up to be, whether she’s happy, whether she knows how to express herself and her feelings – through clothes, words, and creativity. Childhood is gone, and with it a lot of that carefree time, which is why you shouldn’t limit your children and tell them what and how to do, what items to like and what clothes to wear. Who, if not you, will support your child? Just love him, be supportive, and stay by his side.
