More than once I have heard from my friends that before getting married, you should get to know the parents of the bride. To see what kind of family the girl grew up in, what kind of relationship she has with her relatives, and at the same time to pay attention to the mother-in-law. It is not for nothing that they say that the apple does not fall far from the tree. I did not really listen to this advice when I met the love of my life, and I was not particularly interested in her family. The only thing I understood from the first meeting was that my mother-in-law was a good woman, busy with household chores, although in the past she was a librarian.
Based on the advice of others, it would be logical to assume that my bride was also a hard worker and housewife, but in fact she was also full of dedication. She was always trying to help, to do everything for me, to provide me with delicious food, to take me to work, to keep an eye on everything, to organize everything. And I liked that, but, frankly, it was a little stressful.
It was only after the wedding that I noticed that my mother-in-law was exactly the same. She would arrive at dawn, cook food, clean up everywhere, help in any way she could, and expect a “thank you” in return, of course. But I always feel uncomfortable getting so much from this woman and my wife without giving anything in return (not having time to give), so I want to thank them more often, not only verbally, but at least with gifts. And that’s actually a little costly.
I myself grew up in a family with equal rights, where my father and mother cleaned and cooked, myself, too, it’s all I can not participate in household chores, as the wife and mother-in-law pull the blanket over themselves. Hence the sense of obligation, and the view that I do nothing around the house, only work and bring money. I don’t like this state of affairs, but when trying to convey this to my wife I have encountered incomprehension and resentment – she has decided that she is doing something wrong and I am proving that I can do better.
Is this even treatable or should I just suck it up and take what’s given? I wish our children could grow up with the understanding, as I did, that both parents have to put in the same amount of effort to make money, clean the house, and raise their kids. But how is that possible when my wife herself has labeled me as a working man who will never pick up a broom? I see a distinct trace of her mother, who taught her to do everything around the house so that a man wouldn’t have to do it.
