One day on my birthday, my closest family members, my children and grandchildren, gathered around the table. The whole table was filled with delicious food that I had prepared and that my daughters and daughter-in-law had brought, I heard even my grandchildren helped to cook. There was enough food for everyone; there was no place to put an extra plate. Everyone was enjoying the homemade bites and chicken legs and wings, when suddenly a few bones fell into my half-empty plate – my grandson planted them on my plate. My son’s daughter did the same thing after him. At first no one noticed anything, and only a look of bewilderment on my face caught the children’s attention.
– What are you doing? – The older daughter marveled, scolding the children. – There are napkins and a litter box for bones. Why are you putting it on Grandma’s plate?
– Well, Grandma likes to eat bones and cartilage,” said the grandson in his excuse.
– Yes,” the granddaughter picked up on that, “Grandma always gives her portion because she only likes gristle…
My children were familiar with it, too. There was a time when I gave them the best of everything, including my portion, too, slyly and saying that I liked burnt pieces of kebab, gristle and green bananas, because I wanted my child or grandchild to get the best part. I judged that I had lived my life when my family had made the same sacrifices for me, but I realized at that holiday table that it was wrong. I had lied about loving something I didn’t want to eat myself, and I had taught my children that I should get what no one else was eating, and my grandchildren were now treated that way, even when there was plenty of food on the table. I was so convincing in lying to myself that my grandchildren believed that I loved bones and offered them to me for good measure…
My children are grown, they were familiar with my methodology themselves and raised their children that way, unconsciously preparing them for the fact that only in childhood will they get what they like and then have to sacrifice for their loved ones in the same way, by giving in to them and limiting themselves.
Do you think it is right to deny yourself something for the sake of others?
