I met Mark while working in Italy. We worked in the fields together and lived in neighboring houses. I didn’t know English very well, but he knew English and studied Italian, thanks to which we were always able to go somewhere together or go to solve my problems in the hospital or in the administrative center. An important role was also played by the fact that we were almost the only ones who spoke the same language, and we felt united. Afterwards our friendship turned into love, and now we were talking about marriage.
While working, both of us were saving up for the celebration. We told our parents the good news via video link. They were waiting for us to get back and getting everything ready for the wedding. But I changed my mind on the plane home.
– “I can’t,” I said to Mark, “I can’t marry you.
– What? Why? – He was confused.
– You’re too jealous, you’re very difficult.
The reason was not just that. In Italy, I never looked at men, and Mark was crazy with jealousy that others lived and worked with us. If only a waiter in a cafe dared to look at me in any way, the guy would get turned on. I just decided that I loved Mark because he was a compatriot, the only one who had ever walked in my native land and with whom I could talk freely without racking my brain with English or an interpreter. On the plane I began to realize that I was comfortable around him, but there would be other guys at home. I could marry the wrong guy now, and then bite my elbows for the rest of my life.
Mark was offended. So were my parents. Everyone was expecting a groom and a fun wedding, and I suddenly got scared and changed my mind. For months I heard from my mother how I ruined my life and that I would never meet such a good guy again.
– Working, not drinking, not smoking – a holy man! And you quit because you didn’t get laid! – she lamented.
But I never thought about Mark. I don’t know how his life turned out, because I unsubscribed from him in all social networks and blocked his number so that he wouldn’t even think of calling me, but I found my happiness. I got married and had a baby, and I don’t regret one bit that I changed my mind and cancelled the wedding.
Maybe my life would have been richer with Mark and he would have learned not to be jealous of me at every pole, but I’m sure it all worked out the way it should have. My fear at the time was a sign to drop everything. If your gut tells you it’s not your man, why guess if it will or won’t work out? You should never get married if you have doubts. You have to like the man from beginning to end, and not because he’s the only one who can support you at the moment.
