It’s not that I didn’t know that dating my teacher was bad. I knew it perfectly well. But he was handsome, charismatic, intelligent and interesting, himself not long ago graduated from university.
Robert was a relatively mature man, and I was a high school girl. I wanted romance and courtship, and in this respect my peers could not compare to an adult man. But he also demanded more from me. Now I understand that he was tempting me to do something like that, but at the same time I wanted to go from innocent girlhood to adulthood, full of completely different experiences and sensations. And Robert was the man I could trust.
And now I was pregnant and I had no idea what to do about it. I didn’t think it would happen this way because I was hoping for a more experienced man and I had only read about how not to create a problem for myself, but there was a problem. I could not go to my mother with it, otherwise she would have nailed me, I could not go to the other teachers, because my boyfriend – their colleague – would be finished. That left me to tell him.
I knew where Robert lived, though I rarely went there and didn’t dare show up unannounced, but the school was on vacation and I needed to tell him as soon as possible. When I got there and started ringing the doorbell, I was ready to cry, the situation seemed so hopeless. But it got even worse when another woman answered the door. She introduced herself as my teacher’s wife, asking why I had come. Foolishly, I blurted out that I was his student, and then, over tea, choking back tears and trembling from the awkwardness of the situation, from humiliation and despair, I told the woman everything.
I did not know how his wife would react, and, in fact, I did not care at the time, even if she killed me, but she acted very wisely, and also considering the fact that she was not much older than me. Together we waited for my teacher, and then, without any scandal, his wife explained the situation. Perhaps she hoped he would refute the facts, but he was confused and could not say anything sensible, the interrogation was too unexpected.
Since it was an emergency and both parties did not want the publicity, the couple decided that I had to get rid of the baby. They also gave me the money. I don’t know what happened to them, but by the time I got back to school, the teacher was no longer there. He had changed his number, and I didn’t dare try my luck and go to their apartment again, even though they had probably moved out.
I remember that relationship like a bad dream. Now I realize that it was a girl’s crush on a grown man, and if that man hadn’t behaved like a lusty stud, it would have passed and been forgotten soon. And I also understand that no matter how many girls are warned against such mistakes, they will still fly to this ghostly glimmer of love, like butterflies to fire. I feel sorry for them.
