I follow the lives of my friends online and when I talk to them, I know that they are all doing just fine. Some have awesome jobs and travel life, some have families of their own with kids. I understand that others also live with problems, but still feel that I am more unlucky than anyone else.
I have not achieved anything in life. When I wanted a job I got married. When I wanted family happiness, I was too busy working. I was procrastinating with having a child for a long time, not wanting to become an early mother and then a grandmother, and as a result I am forty, and I still don’t have a child, and in all likelihood won’t have one. My husband is no gift either, he is always hysterical and cheating on me. I even know with whom, but I do not want to break up. Otherwise I will feel even more like a loser.
Everything in my life is wrong, no one needs me, and more than anything else in the world I am afraid of being completely alone. I try not to let myself go, I try to keep in touch with friends, but I end up running between home and work and my only real friend is my mother-in-law, who I am also afraid of losing because of my husband’s cheating.
Sometimes my hands are so empty that all I can do is cry. I am a failure at everything, the clock is ticking, and my life seems to pass me by… It is so hard to find something good in it that is worth clinging to.
