This new trend of being a chaldfri and demeaning people who choose to become parents and dedicate their lives to procreation has reached my friends, too. I know so many people who declare that they will never have children. It’s waste, nerve-wracking, and the child then grows up ungrateful.
I partly agree – I have that kind of relationship with my parents myself, without much warmth. But at the same time, I am somehow enthralled by the idea of giving life to my child and raising him or her. I’d probably like that, but I lie to people around me and even to my mother and father that I’m also a Childfree and can’t even stand the thought of having a child.
In fact, I’ve just never had the opportunity. I’m giving up on myself, because I have no luck with relationships – I’m not very pretty, I’m not popular with guys, no one rushes to get acquainted with me, and I’m shy. And about the baby… it’s probably stupid, but I’m really scared of childbirth.
I’ve heard horror stories from my mother and my friend who almost died giving birth in agony. And just thinking about that kind of pain makes my knees shake. I’m starting to think, is it worth it? It’s much easier to take someone from an orphanage or a Baby House than to go through all the torture and suddenly not survive. And at the same time, raising someone else’s child is also scary.
That’s why I don’t think I’ll ever be a mother. A real miracle has to happen, and the cards have to be laid for everything to happen consistently and on its own- husband, child, family. But I believe that less and less, and that’s why I’m a faux-childfree.
