There must be some limits to parental disobedience and grandparents’ infinite desire to encourage and pamper their grandchildren in everything. Everything is good in moderation, so that the child has respect for his parents and knows how to hear the word “no.”
That’s how we raised our daughter, so that she wouldn’t have tantrums at the supermarket or faint over a toy that I’m not going to buy her. And everything seemed to be fine. At her five, Alina knew that if I said I couldn’t buy it, then that was it, and there was no point in persuading me. I asked my father to approach shopping with his granddaughter the same way. I don’t know how much he bought for her without me knowing, or what he encouraged the child to do, but I was unpleasantly surprised when the three of us went shopping before New Year’s to put some things on the table. I took care of the expenses, since Daddy only had a pension, and I was counting on something, not planning on spending money mindlessly. I’m not a typewriter.
As we walked around collecting the basket of groceries, Alina asked if she could have some juice, and then she asked for candy. I didn’t say no, since it was in my budget. She stopped at the toy section too, grabbing a stuffed unicorn toy. She adored these horned horses, my husband and I had long noticed and tried to give gifts to her liking. The New Year was coming up, she was just about to get her toy, so I didn’t want to spend money on another one.
– Yes, you buy a toy for the child, – my father pestered. – Why are you being greedy? It’s the holiday.
– No, Alina already has enough toys.
Dad did not listen to me, and while Alina pouting, realizing that I will not buy anything, snatched a toy from her and put it in the basket. The daughter, of course, happy. And upset when I put the toy out.
Daddy and I started having a tug-of-war, with the baby watching. And it was already ridiculous and wrong. Daddy was making me look like a bad and greedy parent, refusing to get into the reasons for my reluctance to buy the toy.
– Alina, ask your mother again,” her grandfather encouraged her granddaughter.
When Alina started asking again, I refused, and her father advised the girl to ask more desperately. When Alina cried, everyone started to pay attention to us. In fact, it was not yet a tantrum over a coveted toy, but the other customers probably thought so. They also thought I was heartless for not being able to buy my daughter a toy just in time for New Year’s Eve.
I was very angry at Daddy because I had to buy a toy so my daughter would stop crying. My husband and I tried so hard not to pamper her and to be rational about this kind of shopping, and Dad ruined everything. Now Alina will probably often resort to tears to get what she wants.
Is that why he did it? In my day I used to get it for crying in the middle of the store, and I rarely got toys. I don’t understand, is Dad trying to get back at me for that time, or does he just want his granddaughter to have everything? And then she will grow up with the idea that we have to buy her everything, and if she gets a little nervous, my husband and I will give up and still buy what she wants…
