More recently, I thought I had an ideal family and I was very lucky with my spouse, but everything changed after the birth of my daughter… The first few years after marriage flew by like one day. My spouse and I have been living soul to soul, as they say. Even in conflicts my husband and I tried to make compromises to each other. And then something went wrong.
My husband changed his job as the firm he worked for went bankrupt because of an epidemic. Now he installs windows and often takes part-time work. My job is stable but my salary is not very high. I work as an accountant in a company. After my spouse changed jobs, his character has changed a lot. We have always done all the household chores together, but now he has completely shifted all household issues on my shoulders.
After work I run to the store for groceries, and then come home and start cooking and cleaning.
– Don’t make up her tired, tired of rummaging through papers? And I work like an ox, I need rest! – says my husband, although he used to work in the office as well as I do.
I understand that now my husband works mostly physically and is tired, but why does he allow himself to talk to me in that tone of voice? I always try to avoid conflict, but now my nerves are going, and I sometimes turn to yelling.
I told my mother about our problems, she said that this is how the spouse is experiencing a change of employment. She assures me that my spouse is jealous because I work in an office and he has to work physically. I can see that the spouse is having a hard time, but I don’t understand why he devalues my ore.
Then our relationship started to get better and my spouse started to act more relaxed and at that very moment I found out I was pregnant. We were very happy about the pregnancy and my spouse wanted to be a daddy as soon as possible. After my daughter was born, we had a second wave of conflicts in the family.
My earnings dropped significantly due to the fact that I went on maternity leave. My husband decided that now he could not clean up after himself, he even stopped putting dishes in the sink, and leaves everything right on the table. The child is not taken care of by my husband either; he cannot even be asked to sit with the baby while I take a shower.
Lately he has also begun to insist that I take a part-time job so that I can contribute to the family coffers. I hardly ever manage to ask him for money for household needs and for diapers for my daughter. He always reproaches me for being a spender.
Before we had a little girl, we often went out, and I could buy clothes for myself when I wanted to, but now I have to beg my husband for money even for feminine hygiene products. My husband now looks at me only as the housekeeper and mother of his child.
So that my husband and I could distract ourselves and at least be alone for a while, I asked my husband to hire a babysitter for a couple of hours, but he refused my request, and then he yelled at me. I told my husband that I am also tired and need rest. But my spouse doesn’t even want to hear about any of this and says that I am shirking my maternal responsibilities. He won’t even let me hang out with my friends and has started comparing me to my mother-in-law all the time. He is always setting his mother as an example to me and calling her the perfect hostess.
My mother-in-law was raised in an orphanage and has no family. When her husband died, she was left alone and dedicated her entire life to her children. However, I don’t understand why I can’t give myself a couple of hours to rest. My husband’s mother had to put everything on her shoulders because she had no one to help her. My spouse now thinks that if she lived like this, then my life must become a torture too. I am having trouble getting through to my spouse. I’ve been feeling like his servant lately. When we first started living, my spouse was very attentive and caring, but now it’s like he’s been replaced!
