My spouse and I make good money, so we financially support our parents. It started out as pro bono help, but now sponsoring our in-laws has become our responsibility.
I’m well aware that it’s not our parents’ fault, because they worked hard all their lives, and once they had a chance to stop thinking about their daily bread and get some rest, they just didn’t let it go. I don’t understand why my husband and I have to cut ourselves any slack in order to provide them with a comfortable old age. Because we have to help our family, we can’t live our lives to the fullest. I don’t want to spend the best years of my life living like a human being in my old age.
My spouse and I agree on this topic, yet neither he nor I can decide to talk to our parents. No, we’re not scared, we’re just ashamed because they might accuse us of being mercenary. Our parents never thought in our childhood years about somehow saving money on us or not giving us something. I keep thinking what such a conversation might look like from the outside, “Ungrateful children denied poor old people help.” I understand that my parents wouldn’t want to lose the extra income and would do anything to keep my husband and I helping them, but we don’t want to live that way.
I decided to consult with my friends, but they could not give me any practical advice, because they have never experienced this and their families have a completely different situation – their parents help them. I really liked the suggestion of a friend of mine, who advised that we gradually reduce the amount of help to parents.
My husband agrees with me, because we were brought up in the way that everyone is obligated to work, and not to beat around the bush. Of course our parents haven’t lived by this principle for a long time, but I don’t think it’s necessary to give it up. I’m sure it’s a great way to remind people who they really are.
My spouse and I have decided that we will tell our parents that they will now receive less from us than they did before. We definitely need to come up with a correct justification for what we did. I think my husband and I will cite a reduction in pay, since that is the most plausible excuse. If they don’t understand us, then my husband and I will have no choice but to refuse to help them and stop giving them even minimal money. My husband and I chose this option only because all the other excuses my parents would not believe and would accuse us of being mercenary.
