If two adult, adequate people meet, start dating, become involved in common interests, and then decide to live together and start a family, that’s great. But one of the partners may be negative or simply not ready to develop a serious relationship. In this case, events can develop according to several known options. One can continue to be patient, take a pause in the relationship or break up with the person.
My name is Lisa and I suspect that my current relationship is toxic. To make a long story short, my boyfriend has turned out to be a halves man. He believes that we have to pay for absolutely everything in our lives with him clearly equally, each out of our own pockets.
We don’t have a budget together. To pay for the rent or utilities, he and I have to pool our money equally. Since he works as a programmer, his earnings are not comparable to mine. He has money. But, as he explains, he wants me to feel financially important and equal, but not humiliated in any way.
Thomas is a nice guy in his own right. When we first started dating, he helped me with everything. He even paid for the courses that allowed me to get my first job. His parents, whom I already know, are very calm, well-mannered and friendly people. They treat me well and support me in everything.
Only lately it has become very difficult for me. In terms of food we have no problems: everyone buys what he wants and pays for himself. Since Thomas has stomach problems, he prefers to buy only healthy and dietary products. And I eat very simply: dairy, meat, potatoes... I cook deliciously, but I’m not into pizza and rolls.
As far as recreation is concerned, everything is all right, too. However, once a famous singer came to visit us. So I had to save for a ticket for four months, despite the fact that my boyfriend could easily buy me the best and most expensive ticket. However, Thomas did not do that on principle.
We have a similar situation with gifts. Thomas likes both giving and receiving. I’m glad that we only celebrate important events, otherwise I would have to buy presents on credit.
Of course, I’m always saving a small amount of money to spare. My boyfriend didn’t even know about it. When he found out about it, we had a real scandal. Thomas claimed that I had deliberately kept the money from him. He didn’t think that should happen in a normal family. I didn’t agree with him.
In spite of everything, I love Thomas very much and don’t want to leave him. He is a wonderful, intelligent young man with a great sense of humor. Thomas can be very generous if funds are needed for medical treatment or to help his parents. However, the financial side still worries me. A while back we were discussing pregnancy and maternity. Thomas said I should look in advance for a job I can do at home. After all, I’ll need money for the baby, and the payments and benefits are definitely not enough. His reasoning scares me.
I have no idea what I’m going to do next? I want us to have a normal relationship.
