I have heard of mothers-in-law refusing to communicate with unwanted daughters-in-law, but this is the first time that they refused their sons for some far-fetched reason. And it was my husband who was “lucky”. The wording of the resentment “I do not need a son who quietly watches me humiliated. Although no one was humiliating her.
At one time my husband, then a young man, did not introduce me to his mother for a long time. This fact pleased me, because I find it very difficult to communicate with new people, I get lost, blush, sweat, stutter, and behave very tightly. This is just the moment when you want to do everything perfectly, but it turns out only worse. Then it gets better, but the first couple of times, just the horror of some kind.
But after the marriage proposal was made, I still had to go to get acquainted. My mother-in-law immediately took me in hand – cut sausage and cheese, wash fruit, rinse and wipe the dishes, and such trifles. All such simple things, but I’m afraid and shy, and my mother-in-law is such a bassy loud madam, used to give out commands. So my hands were shaking, cut the pieces unevenly, a cup almost broke, in general, such a stress I got right from the door.
Mother-in-law quickly realized that I will not argue with her, mistakenly considered me spineless and began to teach life. This was about that memorable evening, and the subsequent years of family life. But she was wrong. It’s just the first time I am so insecure, and when I get used to a man, then everything is normal. For the first few years I did not want to quarrel with my husband’s mother.
In the first years of our marriage, she came over once every couple of weeks. She was still working at the time, so there wasn’t much time. But during her short visits she was checking up on the house: seeing what I was cooking, what we were eating, meticulously inspecting the apartment for dust and streaks on the glass, assessing my husband’s appearance. She didn’t go through the cabinets, thank God, but I wouldn’t let her do that anymore.
I wasn’t happy about this behavior, but I decided, on the advice of my wise mother, not to bother. Once every two or three weeks was enough. It wasn’t a loss to me, and my mother-in-law would talk it out, give out valuable instructions, and go off content with her life. There was peace and quiet in the family.
The situation and my opinion changed when the baby was born and my mother-in-law retired. It was very unfortunate that the two events coincided. I do not have so much to do, and my mother-in-law used to come every day. And of course it was not in her plans to silently help me with the baby. I had to teach me.
It took me a month of almost daily visits from my mother-in-law. She never tired of telling me that I had neglected the house, but that she used to wash the floors every day, so that the baby would grow up clean. She said I wasn’t feeding, holding, and swaddling the baby correctly. She resented the fact that our refrigerator was empty, because my husband was hungry when he came home from work and he needed to be fed.
And she was not eager to clean up and cook for her starving son. She just sat there and gave out orders. When she said that I was a bad mother because I put a diaper on my child and it would distort his joints, I could not stand it. I told her that in my own house I would figure out how to feed my husband and son, when to clean, and what detergent to choose for laundry. And if she once again dares to call me a bad mother, she will communicate with the child only through the court.
My husband witnessed this conversation and is completely on my side. He had long been going to say all of his mother, but before I persuaded him not to cause a scandal. There was no need, I said that when she gets to me, I will do it myself. And now that moment has come.
– And you’re not going to tell her? – Dazed with clapped eyes nodded at me mother-in-law.
– And what should I say? She’s right,” my husband came up and put his arm around my shoulders.
My mother-in-law gasped for air, and then was able to say that she did not want a son who quietly watched her humiliated.
– And you agree,” his mother-in-law hissed on an exhalation, and then she gathered herself and ran out of the apartment.
She hasn’t shown up or even called for two weeks now. Yesterday was her birthday. My husband wanted to call in the morning to congratulate her, and in the evening to go congratulate my mother. But she did not pick up the phone, and answered her text message that she did not need anything from us, including congratulations.
My mom thinks that I went too far in court, but my husband and I think that we both did the right thing. At least I don’t see any reason why we should apologize or dance in front of my mother-in-law in any way. She disowned her son altogether, you could say, and it’s no big deal. If she stops breaking down and accepts the new rules of life, things will go on their way.
