Despite the fact that we are already saving on everything, my husband has expressed a desire to save money for the child’s apartment. Yesterday after the next paycheck my husband firmly told me: “I am starting to save money to buy a house for our son. But I was not happy with this statement. I will tell you the reasons.
More than ten years ago my husband came to our city to earn money. He is a construction worker – it is not an easy job. Until we met, he was working and practically all of his salary was sent to his mother, leaving him only for pocket money. His coworkers urged him to save for a place to live, but he liked to give it all to his mother. Besides him, his mother had two more sons and they also did not leave his mother without help. But they didn’t give every penny, like my future husband.
After marriage he and I began to live in the apartment of my mother and grandmother, the walls of which had not seen repair for a long time.
At first the spouse was good, loving. With my mother and grandmother he was more reticent to show kindness. But it seemed to me that this was temporary and that he would soon change his strained attitude toward them. And after a year, he changed it, but for the worse. He began to abuse alcohol, to be insolent to me and my mother, to reproach us for our lack of repairs. The most sensible solution then would have been a divorce, but my husband began to insist on getting pregnant. So my love for him and my naivety convinced me that things would get better with the birth of a child – I got pregnant and had a baby.
And it got worse than it had been. The constant lack of money began. My maternity pay was enough for just diapers, even though we shared a budget.
Mom pays for utilities from her meager salary. She also buys expensive medicine for me (I have a chronic ailment). The rest she spends on food and household goods. Grandmother saved her tiny pension for the funeral. She had already accumulated a sizable amount, but gave all her savings to us for the wedding.
My husband hoped that his relatives would give us some money for the wedding, but none of them did. We had a big wedding on my grandmother’s money and his salary. Although we could have celebrated it more modestly, my husband wanted a big wedding.
For all seven years of our married life he helped his mom financially and financially. During that time his mom’s house was completely renovated and all the appliances were bought with my husband’s money. Several times when our family had difficult financial situations, I accidentally found my husband’s stash of money that he had set aside to send to my mother. He and I often fought about it, and he promised not to do it again.
After the death of his mother, my husband and his older brother were noble (and in my opinion stupidity) – they gave up their part of the house in favor of his younger brother.
Although this is the youngest, my mother is not very much help. So it turns out that her husband first invested his money in the arrangement of his mother’s house, then ours in common, and now he refused his inheritance, leaving him with nothing. He did not respond to my entreaties to keep what he was entitled to by law.
After the baby was born my husband was like a changed man: he started to be rude to me, he was stingy with buying food and other necessary things for me… He fought with my mother for no reason. He started drinking more and more often. I cannot allow him to divorce me because the child is still small, besides, I am sick and it is not known whether I will recover. I heard a rumor that I may get laid off after I leave maternity leave – I can’t stay without my husband for now.
He benefits from my difficulties. He goes out of his way to tell me more than once that I am a mother and grandmother living on his salary. That he was tired of supporting us all. Although he is well aware that we live on a common budget, that is, on my mother’s, grandmother’s, mine and his money.
Several times he and I have discussed the possibility of buying a house for our son – it is my dream. But so far, it’s only a dream, due to not having enough money. But yesterday my husband insisted that he should save a third of his salary. And that means we all have to tighten our belts and live indefinitely and starve for an indefinite number of years – I’m against it. But my husband says he’ll do as he says.
And I have a fear that the main reason for his decision is not to buy an apartment for his son in the future, but for himself. It seems to me, given the strained relationship with my husband, that he wants to save up money and leave me at the expense of depriving us of the necessities of life.
I voiced my fears to him. He replied that he was also afraid that I would divorce him after a while and kick him out of the house. Tired of suffering humiliation from him, in my heart I threatened to do that to him several times. I do not want to do that, though. And if he stops being rude to my mother and grandmother, I won’t even breathe a word about kicking him out.
But my husband is in no hurry to change. My life and the lives of my relatives have turned my husband into a nightmare, from which I cannot see a way out yet.
