I came to my friend’s wedding fully armed. Before the party I got a manicure, went to makeup, and put on my fancy shoes. What am I really telling you? Any woman comes to such a celebration in full dress.
I, like other friends, were asked to come before the appointed time. I had to be there before the groom arrives to pay the bride’s ransom. I am a responsible and punctual person. I arrived at the time I was told. My friend’s mother met me at the threshold and said:
“How glad I am to see you. It’s so good that you came early. Get undressed, come in, we need your help in the kitchen, we don’t have time for anything.
My friend came out for one second, said hello, and then ran right away. She still had makeup and hair to do. I came into the kitchen. My friend’s mother gave me an apron that wasn’t “fresh. There was red fish, butter, and bread on the table. My mother said to me: “Make salmon sandwiches.”
After these words she left the kitchen. I took the package of butter in my hands. To the touch it did not differ at all from a stone. It was definitely kept in the freezer, and for a long time.
I decided that I would cut the bread first and let the butter sit there for a while. The bread crumbled like a loaf. Apparently it was very fresh, it was simply impossible to cut it into pieces. Who makes sandwiches like that these days? After all, there are tartlets. They look nice and festive. They can be lightly buttered, and put slices of salmon on top, decorated with greenery on top. This would be perfect.
I cut the bread, though “miserably in half,” of course. I put it on a plate. I took the butter, and it was still like a stone. How could I put such butter on bread? I could only chop it and put the shavings on the bread. That’s what I had to do, there was no other way out.
My hands were all covered in oil. I was very worried not to get my dress dirty. How could I show my face like that in front of the guests? The work was going slowly.
Suddenly my mother comes into the kitchen and says: “Why so slow? Hurry up and put the fish on.”
I just wanted to tell my aunt that the butter was hard and wouldn’t smear properly, and she disappeared. So I did something sneaky. I cut off half of the butter and started spreading it on pieces of bread, and put the other half on the radiator.
I had to take off all my jewelry, including my wristwatch. The bread was crumbling and the slices were ugly. I purposely put more “butter shavings” on them to disguise this ugliness, and put salmon on top.
I would like to believe that the groom and his guests did not notice the unaesthetic appearance of these sandwiches. Another of our mutual friends came into the kitchen. She is not known for her punctuality and is often late. This time this quality played into her hands.
However, my aunt found something for her to do as well. She asked her to make snacks on skewers, handed over the food and left.
My friend was indignant when we were left alone: “What kind of a welcome party is this? Were we hired as cooks?”
It’s worth noting that my aunt always behaves this way. We, though with difficulty, completed our assignment. I made imperfect sandwiches, and she slightly crooked appetizers on skewers.
