I found out I was 12 weeks pregnant. I didn’t know what to do, because my oldest son was a teenager. We lived with him in a rented apartment. As you understand, I did not have a steady man.
I was working two jobs to provide for my son, where would I find another one? Who was going to earn money when I was on maternity leave? Moreover, the child needs normal conditions for life, not an abandoned communal apartment.
I decided to have an abortion, but they refused me because I was too old. I was offered to give birth to my child and to refuse him already at the maternity hospital. I was immediately sent to a psychologist who tried to find out the reason for this decision. A nice woman gave me the numbers of organizations that could help me. I didn’t really believe in them at first, but it was there that I was saved from making a fatal mistake.
No one knew I was pregnant, and the biological father only offered to drop the money for an abortion. Before the birth he agreed to pay for my room for six months, and for that help I was already grateful to him. And then he blocked me. I was hurt, but I realized that I was partly to blame for the circumstances – I shouldn’t have let my guard down. At that moment I just didn’t want to live.
I worked to the last minute and hid the pregnancy. My son guessed everything, but he didn’t reproach me. He insisted that I keep the baby, because a terrible life awaits him in an orphanage.
It was then that I decided to call the number of that organization. I was invited to a consultation. The woman explained to me that things change very quickly in life. One day you feel bad and the next day you feel good. You give your child to strangers, and then the rest of your life you’ll look for him and regret your actions. I was offered help not only morally but also financially.
The women who come to this organization are special. They want to give up their child because of life circumstances, they are afraid not to cope, but they love them with all their hearts. The specialists at the center don’t pressure a pregnant woman and just help her to think more globally. The last decision is always up to the mother, no one pressures her.
There are also cases when the employees at the center themselves understand that it is better for a woman to keep her child. These are asocial, drinking, aggressive, and drug-addicted mothers. First and foremost they think about the baby and his safety.
I took things, household items and clothes for the baby. The warehouse had everything I needed to take care of my newborn. I arrived at the maternity hospital with a small bag, and my roommates laid out their big bags. I looked at them and envied them, because they were happy women, unlike me.
I wasn’t interested in clothes and trinkets, I just wanted to feel someone’s support. You can wash your only pants and be a happy man, or you can live among luxury and feel absolutely miserable. That’s when I decided not to give up on the baby.
The doctors appreciated my decision and immediately erased some shameful inscription on my chart. My eldest son and representatives from the organization arrived for my discharge. They gave me flowers, it made me feel so good. My son offered to call my grandmother, but I did it for nothing. All I heard was a lot of reproaches, like, “Why did you give birth?
I first embarrassed to walk with a stroller, because all moms are young, and I’m already 40. But then I stopped getting worked up. There were problems with finances, but we made it. The organization helped a lot, and then my mother thawed out and offered her help.
When my son was six months old, I hired a nurse. Then a few months later I started doing hairstyles for money. A year later I took a course in tattooing – my earnings increased.
My older son also does part-time work, but I don’t take money from him, it’s too much. You know, I was afraid for nothing. Now our life is bright and interesting, no home, but we have the two most beloved men in the world.
I have long ago I do not take anything in the store, I cope myself, because I understand that many women now need it all more. My son will grow up one day, I’ll tell him the truth, to remove the weight from my soul, but I think he will understand me. You just have to be able to be a mom and sacrifice something for the good of the children. A child is a responsibility, not a toy. Don’t abandon your children, no matter how difficult life’s twists and turns may be. Knock on all the doors, ask for help.
