It turns out that I – a bad mother, not the way she was brought up! – says 60-year-old Sarah. – I did everything wrong. I cooked wrong food, bought bad things, didn’t take her to entertainment centers, and we never went to the sea. I didn’t even buy her a scooter. Poor little thing. Well, I don’t argue – we lived modestly. I was a single mother. And there was no help from anyone. Husband left, alimony was modest. And my parents were gone. I had to make something out of it.
Sara still lives a modest life. Leads a secluded life. She has a two-room apartment, which she inherited from her parents. She spends all day watching TV shows and popular talk shows. Sometimes she entertains herself by crocheting. Then she hoards all the products. Buys groceries on specials at supermarkets, and milk and cheese at another store. For vegetables she goes to the market.
Most likely, she already has a sporting interest. Not just a life necessity. You can’t say she doesn’t have enough money. She gets her income from renting an apartment, specially purchased for her old age.
In those days, housing rates weren’t so crazy yet. It is now that all real estate has skyrocketed in price. – Sara explains. – There were times when I was able to snatch this apartment. It’s good that it turned out that way. Now I have a comfortable life. I do not depend on anybody. I can’t live on my pension alone. And I can no longer work. I can’t count on my daughter. After all, she is not able to express nothing more than a grievance. Claims all the time and avoids communication.
Sara’s daughter, Kate, had already left her mother when she was 19. She moved out as soon as she went to college. Now she was in her 30s, had a family and a six-year-old son. Both Kate’s husband and herself work. They have a mortgage on their house in the suburbs, and they put their son in day care. Sometimes, in case of emergency, they leave the child with a neighbor. She does not work. The grandmothers do not pamper their grandson with attention. My mother-in-law lives in another city, and she has no contact with Kate’s mother.
Even though I grew up and became a mother myself, I can’t forget my resentment. – Kate complains to her friends. – I can’t forgive my mother for my poor childhood. All the time I was wearing clothes that someone else had left over. I never saw new shoes, and they made fun of me in class.
Look, but that’s no good! – says a friend. – Your mother was the one who raised you. You can’t blame her for her poverty. It wasn’t easy for your mother either.
Don’t exaggerate! – Kate got angry. – She made good money. And she had her own apartment. The money was paid on time. Even in the turbulent ’90s. None of her friends-colleagues complained, but we lived and denied ourselves everything. I was the worst off. My mother spared nothing for herself. She didn’t spare any of her clothes, either.
And why didn’t she buy you?
That’s the whole reason! Good people gave me clothes, they took pity on my single mother. Even the neighbors from the boys gave me things. Even though it was about time for them to go to the trash. And I had to wear this to school. The whole neighborhood laughed at me. But my mother didn’t care.
Kate said with a dejected look and sighed sorrowfully.
And it wasn’t just the clothes… She was so economical. And I took the rap for everything. To this day I have stomach problems. And overweight. I’m still slouching to this day. And bad skin from not eating right. And my mom didn’t fix my teeth back in the day. My doctor advises me to go to the pool, but she has only excuses: no reason. I did not go on excursions. Everyone did, except me. And I wasn’t at the prom – I had to pay for it. And I had to find clothes.
Kate, maybe she really didn’t have any money to buy all that stuff. – My girlfriend wouldn’t let up.
Yes, she did, she did. As soon as I moved out of the dorm, she immediately bought a new apartment. Clearly, that was not for me. She never bought me proper underwear. She ended up with two apartments, and my husband and I have a mortgage. And all by ourselves.
Kate, it’s her savings, her personal savings.
Hers? I think it’s mine. She was always saving for me. And I didn’t see any normal food, or clothes, or bicycles. I walked around half-naked. And then she buys a place to live. Doesn’t seem fair.
***
Do you think Kate could hold a grudge against her mom if it was really the way she says it was?
Maybe it’s not right – she’s in her fourth decade, but she still complains about her mother’s spoiled childhood. It is time to forget long ago. As well as the lack of proper nutrition. Or can’t she forget it – childhood trauma? On the one hand, she brought her up, no one died of hunger, there is the duty of a daughter. And in general, parents are not to be resented.
You should be grateful that she did not give it in the orphanage, did not drink, did not take men. She brought her up the way she saw fit. And she gave her attention. In the hope of a comfortable old age. Who do you support?
