“Look at how dirty your shoes are! – said my mother-in-law after looking at my spouse’s shoes. I guess your wife isn’t taking care of you at all.” These words were the first thing I heard when we went to visit my mother-in-law. Of course I was hurt, but I didn’t show my face and went in.
When time passed, my husband went off with his father to discuss cars, and my mother-in-law called me in for a frank conversation. I heard my husband’s mother make a lot of remarks about me. She made complaints about her son’s appearance. She said she often noticed that he wore dirty shoes and wrinkled clothes. Also, she said that I did not try to cook for my spouse. After all, she often saw store-bought dumplings and other convenience foods on our dinner table.
At first I thought I would just keep quiet and not escalate the conflict, but because she was talking to me in high tones, my patience came to an end.
I told my mother-in-law, in a firm, no-holds-barred voice, that I did not have to control her son’s appearance. He is not five years old anymore, he is a grown man and can take care of himself. I already have a daughter, Layra, who goes to kindergarten. I only have to take care of her, since the little girl is not yet able to fully take care of herself. I said that if my mother-in-law wants her son to look five-plus, she can take care of him herself. As long as it seemed normal to her.
I saw that she was indignant and realized that she was going to make a scene, but I did not let her change her mind and continued to explain my position.
During Soviet times almost all women worked the same way as their husbands. When they came home, however, they did not go to bed to rest, but stood at the stove and cooked dinner for the whole family from the food they had bought in the store, after standing in line for an hour. When they put the children to bed, they did not go to bed to rest, but began to clean, wash and iron things. Of course, the women never got a full rest and a good night’s sleep. I think it is extremely unfair.
I work on a par with my husband. And my salary is not less, we earn about the same. That is, I contribute to our family budget. Apart from work, I cook and keep order in the house every day. My husband does not help with household chores. So why do I also have to watch his appearance? It is also worth noting that my husband performs his male duties reluctantly. It takes a month to persuade him to hammer a nail or nail a shelf. Therefore, it is not at all surprising that he is lazy to shine his own shoes.
Marriage is about equality, a union with equal responsibilities. If my mother-in-law thinks otherwise, let her enforce these rules in her own family, but stay out of my monastery.
