Our life is like a roller coaster. One minute you’re young, full of strength and energy, and the next minute you’re old, no one needs you. I had a very hard time with retirement. It was like a sign to me that my younger years were in the distant past. My peers rejoiced that they were finally getting some rest, while I realized that I would suffer in retirement from loneliness. I hoped that at least my children would somehow comfort me.
My son and daughter-in-law went to another city. We saw each other only on holidays. My daughter, on the other hand, lives in the house next door. She rarely called me to her house, and I did not want to impose. But I was very lonely. I was looking for an excuse to visit the children: to treat pie, buy a toy for my granddaughter, to bring vegetables from the cottage. Only the daughter clearly made it clear that my son-in-law is against my visits. And then I was not invited to my granddaughter’s birthday party.
I thought they just forgot to call me, but no – the kids did it on purpose. Since then they stopped inviting me to all family birthday parties. My daughter explained that they wanted to celebrate with their friends and peers, not old people. I was so offended. My children and grandchildren have grown up, and I have become a burden to them. I’m a burden to everyone.
When I was their age, I used to call all my relatives to visit. We celebrated all the events and had fun, old people and young people. No one divided anyone. It’s times like this that make me even sadder about the younger years gone by. The children used to be happy to invite us to visit. And when I was left without a husband, without a job, without an income, everyone turned their backs on me. I began to think that maybe I was to blame for something. Maybe my character had changed, I had become obnoxious.
My friend feels exactly the same way. Or rather, felt. Six months ago she met a man her age. They moved in together and are spending their old age together. She advises me to find a “friend” too, so as not to suffer from emptiness and loneliness.
For now, I only find joy in old photos. I revisit the albums and cry. I don’t know how to explain to my children that what they are doing is wrong. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t deserve this old age…
