Can you imagine, in this July summer heat to go to the hospital for preservation! – 25-year-old Karina was indignant. – For the first time in my life I went to the hospital. It was scary, but then I got used to it. The doctors are polite and experienced, the food is relatively good, the nurses are attentive… The first few days I was alone in the whole room, I was bored, hoping that someone would move in…
Is that what happened?
Of course it did. Victoria moved me in. She came in all business-like, holding a phone, a laptop, glasses on her nose. And she’s way over 30. I was upset at first. As it turned out, she wanted to have another baby at forty, and the first child is already finishing school. She’s got a husband who’s a big shot. He’s a show-off. All businesslike, polished and greasy, expensive car. And they don’t communicate with him at all… The family’s weird.
How does it manifest itself?
They live on their own money. There’s no common budget. I couldn’t understand it at first. Just heard her dictate to her husband a list of things she needs to bring, what she needs to go to the store for. Said she’d wire him the money for it all at once.
Look, maybe she wasn’t calling him, maybe she was calling her girlfriend or her retired mother.
No way! I’m not deaf! She was talking to him. Whenever she asks him to bring something, she always sends money. And she explained to me that they live on their own money. That’s the way it’s set up from the beginning.
Over the couple of weeks that she was around, the young moms became friends with each other. Alice talked about her first birth, shared her impressions with Carina about her daughter, her spouse, her maternity.
When she gave birth the first time, her relationship with her husband fell apart and almost went as far as divorce. He refused to give any money, but thank God he got an allowance at work! – Alisa shared with her new girlfriend. – When her son was 1.5 years old she had to leave maternity leave, and her mother had to retire since there were no more payments. She needed someone to sit with the baby. From then on, the budget became separate. And then after that, I got lucky with a job. The salary is good, so even more profitable – my husband has nothing to do with my money. I do not claim it. And since then all is well between us.
What if it’s a matter of common needs?
I told you, everything is separate. We each have our own expenses.
But how come who pays the rent? And who buys groceries? And if you go to the resort, then at whose expense? Or household appliances?
That’s what I asked her. So she smiled and said that she and her daughter have enough for everything. And she wasn’t going to count pennies. She inherited the apartment, so the repairs are mine, and I pay for them too. She buys food for herself and her son herself. My husband is hardly ever at home, and he eats at different cafes. She has her mother as a nanny at home, so she gives her some money. When on vacation, they each pay their own. And for the child they pay in turn, or who has a purse closer. At the cafe they ask for separate bills…
What’s her husband for, then? For furniture or something?
Her husband has his own expenses. He eats by himself, buys his own clothes and even pays his mother back. The car was bought in the marriage. It’s mostly his use. Only in the divorce they’ll split it in half. Although Alice said she doesn’t need his car. And she doesn’t need the money either. Her earnings are enough for her…
I see. No, it’s not clear. What kind of relationship is this…
Although if you look from the outside, everything between them is normal! – Karina wondered. – He is always in touch with her, asking about everything. Worries. He asks questions about her son. He also brings daily parcels. But it’s all at her expense…
Yeah… She wasn’t afraid to give birth to her son to such a husband.
She said she gave birth for herself, not for him. She was promised a lot of money from her job. And before the maternity she was saving. She’d managed to save up. She was an older mother, and it would be hard for her to take care of a baby, so she knew she would have to use a nanny from the beginning. So her age difference came out as well, because she had to save up for maternity leave and only then give birth.
I haven’t met any families like that.
But she doesn’t think so! – Karina sighed. – I told her what I thought, that I was shocked by this state of affairs, and she said that in modern life it is. And many people live like that. Well, if income allows. On the one hand the budget is common and to calculate who owes how much – only beggars do that. Like me and my husband. She put it differently, but the meaning was the same. But normal people have long had a separate budget. And everyone has their own income and expenses.
Do you think it’s normal to not have to look back at your spouse and not expect help from them? If you need a child, you just have to sit down, count, think about it, consult with your parents. And if money is set aside, you can safely have a baby and support yourself with it, no need for a husband or his help.
Although they have a very strange interpretation of family. It doesn’t seem right. What do you think? Is it right to have a separate budget?
