– Just look at yourself in the mirror! After all, you’re ugly and fat. You’re imagining things about yourself. Who will tell you the truth? – My husband was indignant. I listened, believed him. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and thought: “What if it’s like this? Everything is ordinary, unattractive. I have a hooked nose and thin lips. And I don’t seem to weigh much. Maybe I should get plastic surgery. I’ll make a seductive lips.”
It hurt me to tears. Why was it like that? What did I do to deserve this? Why did my husband treat me this way? As a young girl, I felt beautiful. Everyone used to call me ugly. Even my mother told me since I was little that I was born unlucky, because I wasn’t her type. Dad was the only one who tried to reassure me, “But she’s going to be the smartest.”
I really wanted to be smarter than everyone else. I remember when I was thirteen, I read a biography of Madonna herself. I was impressed. I realized that almost everything in life depends only on your own decisions and actions. I became fascinated by the beauty industry, style.
At sixteen there was no shortage of suitors, and compliments flowed by the river. All relatives and neighbors unanimously declared me a beautiful white swan, suddenly appeared from the ugly duckling. Everyone reported it to me. I was glad. After all, now no one will call me ugly.
From then on I believed more and more in my attractiveness. My self-esteem grew in accordance with the increasing number of compliments. It got to the point where, in response to an enthusiastic compliment, I could declare “I know” instead of a polite “thank you. Pride and a sense of superiority were clearly excessive. Why did I bring this up now?
In that moment in front of the mirror, I realized a lot of things. This is the real kick the Universe is giving me with the help of my husband. On the one hand, destructive hubris. And on the other, having been to a psychologist, I realized that I was living an unconscious script.
I chose a husband who is like my mother. He would constantly tell me things that would help me move forward and improve. After my spouse’s hurtful remarks, my self-esteem was at zero. It was affected by other factors of married life as well. You can’t tell it all at once… All of our problems originate in childhood.
Now I thank my husband for another push and a new me. If not for his criticism, there would be no motivation and new goals. Only after going through trials and problems I realized how important and useful psychology is for family and marriage. You have to learn to love yourself regardless of someone else’s opinion.
