Many people are of the opinion that the father is not the man who gave life to the child, but the one who raised him. A similar saying can be found in many variations. But if you think it applies only to the stronger sex, you’re wrong. Mothers can be “like that,” too.
Our reader’s biological mother abandoned her when she was 1.5 years old in order to arrange her life. When the little girl was three years old, a stepmother came into their home and loved her as her own child. She is now a mother herself, and she calls her stepmother her mother and grandmother.
I don’t remember the woman who gave birth to me at all. I always had a mother, though she wasn’t my mother. But I can’t say anything bad about her, my father found a kind and sympathetic wife, who replaced my mother. I found out that she was not my biological mother only when I was 16.
I guessed about it, because she was young, she could not give birth to me at the age of 15. My stepmother and my brother had bad eyesight, while I was 100% sighted. And our appearance was very different. Sometimes I thought about the question of kinship, but this information meant nothing to me.
My mother was very worried about this, because she thought that I would offend my parents and start acting crazy. But I took the news quite adequately. I didn’t see my own parent until 20 years later. Do you think she wanted to see her own daughter? She didn’t. She came to me for help, saying, “I’m disabled, help me with money. I did not want to listen to her, my father took away her parental rights almost immediately after she left, so I had no obligation to her.
My mother, who raised me, cried the whole wedding. She supported me, gave me valuable advice, and helped me choose a dress, and gave me her jewelry. Her parents helped us pay the down payment on the mortgage, even though I am nothing to them. They have a native grandson, but they also consider me a native granddaughter. My husband’s family did not know that my dad had married another woman who raised me.
A year later my baby boy was born.
– Right after the birth, you run to the eye doctor. Your mother wears glasses, God forbid, my granddaughter will be blind! – said my mother-in-law.
She pestered me with this question for a long time, then my husband could not stand it and told her our family secret to calm down.
– What good news! So I’m the only native grandmother?
If she had said that to my face, I would have pulled her hair out. No one dares insult my mother, the person who put me on my feet. Unfortunately, I was not present during this conversation, so I could not answer her.
After my husband’s mother found out that I was raised by my stepmother, she started saying things like, “The REAL grandmother is here,” “Here’s a present from your Native Grandmother,” “Will you go on vacation to your Native Grandmother?”, “Did you miss your BIOLOGICAL grandmother?” At first I let it pass my ears, but my mother-in-law’s insolence was off the charts.
One day she found out that my mother was walking with her granddaughter, she came and took away the stroller. Then burst into our house and said:
– Parents, aren’t you ashamed to trust a stranger with your child?
– Mom is not a stranger. Get it through your heads!
– A stranger, she didn’t give birth to you! She’s not your mother, and she’s not my granddaughter’s grandmother! You have to explain to your daughter that she has only one real grandmother, so she won’t like any strange aunts.
– Then your husband is not a grandfather, your son was brought up by his stepfather, not his own father! – I found something to say to my mother-in-law.
The expression on her face changed in an instant, because she did not expect to hear such an argument.
– My husband raised my child from the womb. Don’t you dare even talk about that!
– My mother brought me up in diapers, too. Where’s the logic in that? If he’s a grandfather, she’s a grandmother. I don’t want to waste any more of my time until you change your mind, you won’t see your granddaughter.
Then she started resenting that the apartment and her son, so she could come over anytime, but I ignored her. After that she called me “nice” words and left.
My husband says I’m doing the wrong thing by depriving his mother of communication with her granddaughter. My mother also says that I have to give in, saying that she does not want me to see my granddaughter, and I will not. And I am not going to give in to this crafty woman. I do not want to bend under no one!
Or do not need to be so categorical?
