For the past 3 months my brother has been bugging me about my mother. She hasn’t been quite adequate since her stroke. Can be oblivious at every turn and now has to have someone with her. In fact, she needs care. It’s like having to take care of a baby. I mean, I have a job, a home, a family. How do I break up? I offer to put her in a nursing home, but my brother is on the ropes and accuses me of inhumanity. And at the same time he won’t take her to his place. After all, he lives in his wife’s apartment.
At one time we were a close-knit family. A standard family of four. My brother and I are only a year apart in age. And our parents had us late in life. At this point I am 36 years old and my brother is 35. My mom is 72 years old now. And until my dad died, everything was just fine.
Then my brother went to study in another city and stayed there, got married, and I settled down in my hometown. That’s where I settled down. At first I lived with my parents, but when I got married my husband and I preferred to go to rented accommodation. We planned to buy an apartment later and have children. So those were the plans.
Only 2 years ago my father died, and my mother became sad, bored and longed for him. She grew old in an instant. She was sick, and six months ago she had a stroke. We already thought she wasn’t going to make it. Only doctors pulled her from the other side of the world. At first she did not speak well and not all of her arms and legs were working. Later she got better, but her psyche suffered.
The doctors say there were irreversible consequences. So I had to take care of my mother. My husband and I moved into my mother’s apartment. I changed my job, went to freelance work, so I could be near my mother. It was impossible to leave her alone. After she regained all her motor activity, it didn’t get any easier.
She gibbered, lost, somewhere torn, we ran after her, we can not talk her back into the house, and she cried and said she was supposedly waiting for her husband somewhere. In short, fun. I did not sleep well. I’m afraid that she will go somewhere. And work almost never comes out. Can not concentrate on one action for a long time. My husband suggested that I put her in a nursing home.
It’s very expensive, but if you work properly, it’s enough to pay for it. And you also have a brother. Let him chip in, too. That’s fair.
It took me a long time to make up my mind, but I realized there was no other way. How long is this going to go on? I mean, she’ll have round-the-clock care and medical attention there. I went there and found out everything. It was very expensive, but what could I do?
Then I called my brother and told him everything as it was. I hoped for his sanity. He should understand the real situation. Instead, he threw a tantrum.
Are you out of your mind? How can you send your own mother to a nursing home? Everyone there is a stranger. And how do you know how she’ll be treated there? You’re heartless! – He yelled into my phone. – Or are you just trying to get her out of the house?
I tried to justify myself, but he wouldn’t hear me. I put up with it and it went on and on. Only I began to feel that I was no longer strong enough. I talked to him about it again. But my brother’s opinion didn’t change.
I don’t want to do that to my own mother. After all, my mother brought us up, raised us. And you and I lived at home-not in an orphanage. And she didn’t complain that it was hard for her with us.
We both owe it to her, and I’m the only one who has to take care of it. If you don’t like my offer, you can come and take your mother to your place. And show your kindness there. – I got all hot and bothered.
You know I live with my wife in her apartment. How am I gonna get her to take care of my mother-in-law?
So my husband can take care of his mother-in-law, but your wife can’t?
So you and your husband live with our mother. That’s why he cares.
I told my brother I could leave my mother right now. Then let him and his wife to move and return his son’s debt to her. My brother hesitated, saying that he was constantly working and could not be distracted. And I only say that because I want to get rid of my responsibilities.
I live like a nightmare. On the one hand I realize that I just have to put her in a shelter. It will make life easier for everyone. But at the same time, I’m afraid of feeling like an ungrateful daughter. My husband is on my side and wants to send my mother to a shelter as well. She will be taken care of there. And we have our own life. Not hers.
I’ve decided to wait a week. If my brother doesn’t come, I have to do it my way. It’s better for everyone. I’ll put her in a home. Because anyone can give advice. But only I know how hard it is to take care of a sick relative. And let my brother make up his own excuses for his acquaintances-I’m tired of them.
